My Soon To Be Sex Life
Published: 24th June, 2014
Charlie is down to her absolute. Total. Last. Resort.
Despite a thoroughly comprehensive list of potential cherry poppers, er…suitors, and careful plotting, Charlie is three weeks into her devirginization campaign, still untouched, and getting desperate. In the movie of her life, this aspiring screenwriter is giving herself a PG, for please, get some.
Her project goes into freeze frame when her mom checks herself into rehab and packs Charlie off to live with her estranged, or just plain strange, grandfather, Monty. How is she supposed to get a date when she has to go pick up his Depends?
Enter Eric, a hot rehab grad on the road to redemption, and the only one who can make Charlie rethink her strategy. The more she gets to know him, the more convinced she becomes that is the one, and not just another to add to the list of people who will abandon her.
In this hilarious and heartbreaking story of one girl’s detoured road to womanhood, Charlie’s list develops a life of its own – right when she realizes there’s so much more to lose.
In the most surreal moment of my life, my mother, the woman who had just folded my clothes into orderly bundles, told me, “I’m going into rehab.”
Resolution rested on every line of my mother’s profile. Rehab. The bricks in mystomach lurched. This was my fault. Why hadn’t I been in Mom’s face as soon as Istarted to notice her taking more and more pills? But I thought she knew what she wasdoing. Christ, she was a nurse. How the hell had I missed the fact that she’d started crossing the line? I felt dizzy, off balance, like someone held up my world and gave it a snow globe shake.
“I’d drag you to my place,” Grace said. “But with my hours at the law firm and Ian being on the road so much – you’d be alone most of the time anyway.”
I sucked back a snort. “I’m old enough to stay here and look after myself.”
Mom shook her head. “For a few days, sure. But not a month.”
“What if I stay with Roach?” The Jesus talk might send me over the edge, but it had to be better than what Mom was suggesting.
“Not going to happen.” Mom put her hands on her hips. “The Dunmore’s would ask questions, they’d judge. This is a family issue and I don’t want my life turned into a sermon at their church, thank you very much.” Her eyes pleaded now. “It won’t be so bad, you’ll see. Either you stay with your grandfather, or I don’t go.”
Emotional blackmail. Pure and simple.
But oh, so effective.
“I stay with him until you’re good to go?” I asked, accepting the fact that no other alternative existed. Grace would end up divorce that much sooner if she took me in, and mom didn’t want me at Roach’s, wouldn’t want to be in debt to the bible thumpers, the self-righteous.
And so I moved in with Monty.
He wouldn’t let me call him Grandpa.
About the Author
Judith Tewes – author and screenwriter – resides in small town northern Alberta, where she: writes, sings, plays bass guitar in an all-woman band, walks her three crazy labs, and suspects she’s living the life of a superhero’s alias. Her edgy, contemporary young adult fiction is full of heart with a side of snark.
She also writes paranormal YA under the pen name, Judith Graves.
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